ParentCareInsights.com

Do you ever wake up during the night and wonder how your life got so chaotic and full of responsibility? One day you’re living your life with your own family, jobs, and responsibilities and then overnight another person’s life is in your hands. Not necessarily in a dire medical sense, but all of a sudden you’ve become the “parent” for your parent; and you wonder how much more you can take before you completely drown. Will anyone notice? Most days I’m on autopilot putting on a fake smile for my students and co-workers, but on the inside I’m going insane some days. Mind you, not every day is like this, but sometimes the caregiving and responsibilities are too much for one person to handle. I would love to delegate the load, but I have no siblings to support me. Even if you do have siblings doesn’t mean they will stand behind you. I’ve learned to face a lot of things alone and I’ve always come out stronger from it, but how much more will I be tested? There’s so much to learn with caring for parents. I try to compartmentalize my emotions because if I look at everything, it’s a blur. As someone who likes to plan ahead somewhat and be organized, you can’t organize the unpredictable. Maybe this comes with age, but I’ve learned to slow down and deal with the “right now” moment. I’m learning to deal with the odd time of the day phone calls from my mom talking about random things, to her endless calls some nights while she was in swing bed about how she was being kidnapped and I needed to help her escape, to endless conversations with nursing staff about her delirium and paranoia. She’ll be moving to long term care in the coming weeks, and while a part of me has some sense of relief, the other part of me is anxiously awaiting the unknown.