ParentCareInsights.com

10 days until Christmas…….even though my family is very small, I usually look forward to the holidays. I enjoy making dinner for everyone and just sitting around the table visiting. I was anticipating the same thing this year, but things have taken a different turn. With mom transitioning to the nursing home, I won’t have visitors at my house this year. It’s decorated and lovely to look at, but it is a lonely time for me. I’ll be spending the holiday with my mom either at her house for maybe one of the last times for the holiday or at the nursing home (still waiting to move her in). Either way, it will be different for both of us. Nothing is the same anymore. To top it off, her 80th birthday is December 23rd.

I’ve been struggling to find the joy in anything lately. I feel like I have this weight wrapped around me and I can’t get rid of it. The weight of managing her finances, answering care giver questions, following up on the nursing home, my job, and my own family responsibilities. It’s also the things that I will have to deal with later like cleaning out her house and going through 40 plus years of things. Being an only child, I don’t have anyone to reminisce with over childhood memories or anything. Every decision I’m faced with comes at a price. I’m sure what I’m feeling is common for anyone who has or is doing this very same thing. Yes, people will pray for you, support you, and lend an ear, but I’m finding this is a journey I have to take alone. I have to sort through my feelings in my own way on my own terms. I have a mixture of grief, sadness, guilt, and anger all wrapped together. I will try to enjoy the holiday as much as I can even if it’s just the small things.

I’m curious of others thoughts and feelings on this subject. If you’re an only child and have dealt with this I would love to know how you coped with it.