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It’s been a few weeks since my last post. As most of you know, I placed my mom in long-term care just before Christmas. She celebrated her 80th birthday on December 23. She was never one to love her birthday, but I did have a couple of our close family friends stop by the home to have cake and coffee. The last few weeks have been surreal and I’m finally getting out of my own way and learning to accept this change. It’s not the change I wanted or expected, but you play the cards you’re dealt. The last few weeks are teaching me to be more humble and learning to accept change when it is forced upon you. Not only is the change hard for me, but I can only imagine what is going on in my mom’s mind. The dementia has taken over a women who at one point had a sharp mind and a sharp tongue when she was set off….LOL! Anyone who has had a family member or friend experience dementia…..it’s a devesting disease. I only read about it and heard of other people talk about it, but until you experience it within your family, you have no idea how it can impact your life. At this point my mom still knows me. I’m prepared for the day when she won’t know me. I hope I never see that day. I live about and hour and a half away so I see her every other weekend and I call her a few times a week. Phone conversations are a whole other thing! I call just so she can hear my voice and I can hear hers. Our conversations are simple and I play along with whatever she is talking about at that moment. Every time I go to visit her, it takes every ounce of my being to not cry when I’m there. When I leave and get in my car, the tears flow. I came to the realization that I’m grieving. Yes, she is still physically present, but my mom is gone. The dementia has robbed her of her mind and memories. I kept wondering why I keep crying every time I leave the nursing home. I cry almost every day at some point, but it’s grief. With the new year in swing, I’m learning to find the new normal with my mom and I’m learning to find ways to let out my grief. I find solace in my writing and staying physically active. I also find solace sitting in total silence and resting. As I keep working on this blog, I hope I can reach readers who appreciate what this process is like and welcome any positive feedback or advice on this subject. Until next time……